Feel it like hands around my throat, squeezing, draining the very life out of me.
The thoughts never go away, they never let up. I crave peace, but it shows no mercy. A minute to feel like I can take a breath without choking.
I smile, but inside I’m screaming. Can no one hear me? I feel like the sound of them drown out everything else.
How it possible to love and hate at the same time? To desire and despise. One would think one emotion would crowd out the other.
Can’t tell Caleb anything. I’ve tried, but he does not understand. No one can.
I want to run away. Where can I go? What’s the point? I can’t run from myself. These thoughts, these urges will follow me wherever I go. How do I shut off the very thing that gives me life?
I’m stumbling through my days, my life, trying to find something that will make this all feel right, feel better. But it only gets harder every day.
I have to do something. My soul is at war trying to control these feelings, trying to decide whats true and whats not.
I’m falling further and further down the hole until I feel like I’ll never be able to climb out.
Darkness is crowding in faster and faster.
Breathing is getting harder.
The crying won’t stop. Is it me or her? I can’t tell. I wish it would drown out my thoughts, but somehow the crying makes my thoughts louder.
She won’t stop crying.
Just like my thoughts.
Will it ever stop?