I stopped sleeping with a nightlight while you were in my bed
And for a moment I thought that meant more than it did
You barged in and lit up
the spooky corners of my mind
Scared away the nightmares
The loneliness that comes from searching
for something you can’t identify
And in return I wanted to heal you
To stitch the pieces of you back together with quiet affection
I thought a little quiet might be good for you
That you might welcome it
-it’s hard to be the life of the party-
But your demons seemed louder in the silence
They screamed and rattled inside your head and reminded you of
How unsafe it is to feel good
Because you felt good once
…And then you died
That is to say- she killed you
Ripped your lungs clean out of your chest
She shot you on the train when you were one stop away from happy
And so too, you ran from me
Hid under the bed
Afraid
Like she and I were cut from the same assassin’s cloth
But you were wrong!
And I wanted to shout in your face
I wanted to tell you it was time to forget
everything she taught you about love
That I could do it better
“Don’t you remember that time you kissed me in the parking lot and I squealed with delight?
That was good, wasn’t it?
Didn’t time stand still? Didn’t the fairies in the trees start dancing and didn’t the sun and the wind sing in chorus?”
But I didn’t say any of that
I didn’t say a word
And so there was only more silence
And just like that, I too realized how scary the quiet can be