I don’t really make plans.
Anyone who knows me just rolled their eyes.
Because they know this about me.
And they sort of hate it.
Because most people like plans.
And I do not.
I’m not necessarily talking about making plans for the day (although sometimes that’s too much for me to handle as well…) Certainly if you’re organizing a date with your boyfriend or arranging to meet your friends, it’s nice to have a plan. An idea of where you’re going and when. It’s better not to hang around, waiting, wondering.
But for the bigger things? I prefer to wing it. Because when it comes to life in general, I think that some wonder is necessary.
When traveling, building relationships and deciding what I’m going to do “next” in life, figuring it out as I go holds quite a bit of intrigue for me. It allows room for surprises. A wrong turn onto a beautiful, scenic route that winds up leading me in a direction I never imagined I would go.
When making plans, we don’t take into account how time affects us. How different moments will make us grow. How an instant, a conversation, one night in a new place, or meeting just the right person at just the right time can change us and the way we see the world forever. You can make a plan keeping who you are in this moment in mind, but who’s to say that it will suit the person you are going to be be next month.
In that way, I find the absence of a plan enchanting. An encouragement for perpetual awakening. A demand that I continue to grow. Because I don’t have a rule book or a map to follow. Only my instinct, imploring me to go down whatever path feels right for the person I am in that particular moment. It means that I can go somewhere when it feels right and leave when it no longer does. It gives me the choices I feel like following a plan takes away and the freedom to follow a heart that has never once steered me wrong.
Some people find my lack of planning frustrating and stressful (Hi Mama!) The fact that I can never answer the question, “What’s next?” makes some people uncomfortable. And even I, a person who loves the wonder, sometimes find myself wondering if it’s a maintainable way to live.
But I suppose that is something for the future me, the changed me, the in-a-few-months-or -years me to find out.
You’ve heard the old adage about how you can spend your whole life planning but that the universe is under no obligation to take those plans into consideration… And if that’s true then I’d rather not waste the time. Getting irritated when things don’t go as I’d imagined them. Feeling disappointed in myself that I didn’t make it to some imagined finish line. I’d rather let things happen as they will. Allowing the ‘present me’ to dictate which path I go down instead of leaving the power in the hands of a person who no longer exists.
So for now, I suppose that if I keep traveling and living without a plan everything will be going according to plan.
